sleep walking, frustration, and love.

Getting Elliot to sleep lately has been... a nightmare challenging, to say the least. About a week ago, he suddenly decided that being cradled in my arms and rocked to sleep was torture. Every time I tried to get him into that comfy, familiar position, he started screaming bloody murder. It brought back memories of the time he decided he didn't want to sleep with me anymore. I don't know if this is just a "phase" that he is going through, like the solo sleeping was, but to be honest, it's driving me insane. Now instead of sitting back, kicking up my heels, and rocking my son to sleep, the only thing I can do is put him up on my shoulder where he can bury his sticky and sweaty adorable little face into my neck and walk back and forth a hundred times. Then, it seems like every time I think he's finally asleep and try to lay him down... he wakes up. And I'm not just talking about stirring a little or opening one eye. Nope. We're talking eyes suddenly wide open, screaming his little head off, WIDE AWAKE. And so I have to start all over again. The whole routine takes about an hour.
Now, I'll admit it- pacing back and forth over and over and over again in a dark room with aching feet and back is not my cup of tea. In fact, lately, every time I go to put him down in his crib and he wakes up screaming, I get a little more annoyed. I don't like it, but it happens.
Tonight, right as I started to get really annoyed, I sighed, sat down on my bed, and said in exasperation, "Would you just go to sleep already?!" When I looked down at my son, he was staring up at me, wide eyed, with the most innocent look on his face. I could literally see how much he adored me. Then, I thought, did I actually just snap at my 5-month-old son? No wonder he wasn't falling asleep- he could probably sense my agitation the whole time! Parenting, especially parenting an infant, will be frustrating and challenging at times. But I never want to let it get the best of me. So I took a little break to snuggle and admire my baby boy. Have you ever stopped to just look at your child? If not, do it. You might find yourself falling in love with that little button nose, those perfect, plump lips, chubby cheeks, and those long eyelashes all over again. Those things can be easy to take for granted!
After we stared at each other for a good ten minutes {let me tell you, he was EXHAUSTED}, I started walking again. But instead of looking at it as an annoying chore, I took note of how precious it all was- his tiny little snore, the way he was clutching onto my shirt, how perfectly his little bum fit into my hand. Truth be told, it is the little moments like this, that I'll probably miss the most when he gets older.
Elliot Reid, your mama loves you very much ♥. PS: I actually like walking you to sleep every night. Sometimes I just forget.