Friday, March 2, 2012

let's get real.

I think people often try to paint this perfect picture of their lives on their blogs. I mean, even when all hell is breaking lose, or the world seems to be crumbling apart around them, there they are with their bright, sunny, cheerful posts and pictures!

Well, I try not to do that. After all, the main reason I created this blog was to use it as a sort of living baby book, to document my life when my children were young {since we all know the time just flies by!}. That means I have to talk about the tough times, the not-so-good, along with the great, right? Right.

So, if you don't mind, let's get real for a minute.


Lately, I've been seriously stressed out. This pregnancy is just flying by... I'm almost in the third trimester already {how did that happen?!}. It's been smooth sailing so far, thank God, but... folks, every night I collapse onto the bed utterly exhausted... and that's after a day caring for only one! Although things could change at any time, right now it looks like Aaron will be deploying to Afghanistan as soon as his two weeks of paternity leave are over.... if his first sergeant keeps his word and lets him stay home until after Sully is born. Everyone else is deploying in early May.

I'm not trying to complain too much... I knew what I was getting into when I married my soldier. I knew that, most of the time, I'd be raising our kids on my own. But suddenly, it's really starting to sink in. The other day, at the grocery store, I nearly had a panic attack wondering how in the world I was supposed to buy food when there is only enough room for one baby in the cart. I mean, I guess I could wear baby Sully, but still. Then, while doing laundry, I realized that I will either be forced to do it at like 3am when both kiddos are sleeping, or tote them both AND a heavy laundry basket back and forth to the laundry room... which I don't even think is possible. I don't have enough arms or hands! Then there's the matter of bedtime... we've been shortening Elliot's bedtime routine lately, because what if {god forbid} Sully were to cry while I was rocking Elliot to sleep? Would I have to start the whole {rather tedious} routine all over again??

Elliot has absolutely no idea that he has a baby sibling on the way. His world is about to change in a big way, and we have no way to prepare him. He points at the ultrasounds and I'll say, "that's your baby brother!" but I know he doesn't get it. I feel bad, because I think he might resent the fact that this little creature came along and stole his mama from him. He'll enjoy having a brother to play with someday, though. I just keep reminding myself of that. My brother is almost nine years younger than me, and I would have done almost anything to have a sibling close to my age. As a young child, I was lonely and jealous of all my friends who had brothers and sisters. That's one of the main reasons we decided to have our kids close together- for them. I know that, but sometimes I still feel a little selfish. And I worry that poor Elliot will have a tough time adjusting.


I knew going into it that having two kids under two would be hard, but I guess I always thought I'd have someone around in the first weeks or months, until I get settled into a comfortable routine and have really gotten a handle on the whole "mama of TWO" thing. Now it looks like I won't be so lucky.


I love my husband, I love Elliot, and I love baby Sullivan, even though I haven't met him yet. I also love our little life, and all the doors the Army has opened for us. I guess I just need to remind myself to just take a breath every once in awhile and just relax. Everything will work out. At first, our life might not be perfect... things may be rocky... but it will be perfect for me. ♥


To those of you with kids close in age...
how do you do it?
Do you have any tips/suggestions??


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