Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The post in which I talk about my fears

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Elliot will be born next week. NEXT WEEK! I'm happy and excited, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous, too. I think the thing that gets to me the most is the unknown. Today's technology is pretty remarkable, but there is only so much that we can see on an ultrasound. The fact is, we won't really know what we're dealing with until after Elliot's born. There is no way to know for sure how large the opening in his belly will be, how much of his bowel is outside his body, whether it is damaged, twisted, or broken, or if any other organs are involved. We don't know what kind of complications we could be facing.
The thought of giving birth to such a fragile little boy frightens me. It really does. No child should have to come into the world that way! I also dread the fact that, only moments after his birth, my newborn son will be taken away from me. I will probably be an emotional wreck! I hope that I will at least get a good look at his face before they rush him off to the NICU.
The only thing that comforts me lately is remembering that God has a plan. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is tell him your fears and trust that he will take care of it.


"I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth."
♥ Psalm 121:1-2

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths."
♥ Proverbs 3:5-6