faith, hope, & love

I've been trying to focus on enjoying every single moment of this pregnancy. The love I have for my unborn son is indescribable. I never knew I could love somebody I've never met this much.
Secretly, I've been hoping that Elliot will be inspired by the love I have for him- that it will fuel him to get bigger and stronger. He has a long road ahead of him.
According to my high risk OB, the average gastroschisis baby is in the NICU for 2-3 months. I already know that those will probably be the hardest months of my life. I've been researching, reading others' stories, trying to prepare myself. But really, what parent is ever ready to see their newborn son in so much pain, hooked up to so many machines and wires?
When I start to feel overwhelmed by worry and doubt, I turn to comforting bible verses, like the ones below. Ultimately, Elliot's life is in God's hands. I trust him.
All I can do now is have faith, hope, and love.

"For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is open to everyone who knocks." (Luke 11:10)

"The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 2911)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28-30)

The power of prayer.

"With God, all things are possible."

Ever since that first ultrasound, four weeks ago, when I got my first glimpse of the child I am carrying, I have been filled with an overwhelming ammount of love for this baby. There is nothing quite like seeing your baby kick on that black and white screen for the first time.
When I found out about this baby's birth defect, it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I could hardly breathe. How could something be wrong with such a new, perfect life?
It was then, four weeks ago, that I started praying vigilantly, day and night. At first, I was selfish- I prayed that the doctors were wrong, and that this baby was completely normal. I cried and asked God what I had done to deserve this. But as time passed, I did more research, and my attitude changed.
Instead of begging God to magically fix this child, I asked him for strength. I prayed that he would please let this baby know how much I already love him/her. That whatever happened, I knew it was all part of His plan. After placing my trust in God, I simply asked for the best possible outcome. And I promised that no matter what happened, I was happy and proud to be this baby's mother.
You can wallow in self pity and worry, or you can put on a positive attitude and focus on the good rather than the bad. That is what I did. Even though I knew this baby could have numerous serious problems, many of which were fatal, I simply hoped that he/she would be spared. Believing in the baby's strength, I willed him/her to be healthy. I prayed every night for peace, serenity, strength, and a miracle.
And I look at the baby's new diagnosis, Gastroschisis, as nothing short of miraculous. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders. This child has a very good chance at survival, and a normal, happy life. Don't get me wrong, the road ahead will be long and difficult, but in the end, my husband and I will probably come out of it with a healthy, beautiful baby. I think God heard my prayers, and those of the many friends and family members who have been praying along with us.
For that reason, I will continue to pray.

"And now, these three remain: faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love."

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Thinking positively.

I've decided to take things day by day, and to think as positively as I can. What good will it do to sit around worrying about all of these different things that may/may not happen? All it will do will stress me (and the baby!) out and drive me insane. So instead, I'm going to hope for the best possible outcome. I recognize what could happen, but I will tackle those hurdles if and when they come. Until the 9th, we really won't know what we're up against.
For now, I will make sure this little baby knows how much we love him/her. Hopefully that will give Peanut the strength to pull through. People don't give babies enough credit. It's amazing what so many babies in the NICU overcome! They are such strong little fighters.
I'm trusting that God has a plan, and that no matter what happens, there is a reason. I might not understand it right now, but I will eventually. And one thing's for sure- I'll definitely come out of this a much stronger person!