Powerful Words

Did you know that I was urged by several different people, including some in my own family, to abort my son... because of the possibility of chromosomal problems?

This woman was given not only the miraculous gift of life, but also the gift of powerful public speaking. Some of the quotations that jumped out at me are below:

"We are in an interesting battle, whether we realize it or not. It is a battle between life and death. Which side are you on?"

"God has a way of making the most miserable thing beautiful."

"So when I hear the appalling, disgusting argument that we should have abortions because the child just might be disabled, ugh! The horror that fills my heart."

"There are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, YOU are the one that loses."

"It is the mercy of God that sustains you... even when you hate him."





Just some food for thought.

faith, hope, & love

I've been trying to focus on enjoying every single moment of this pregnancy. The love I have for my unborn son is indescribable. I never knew I could love somebody I've never met this much.
Secretly, I've been hoping that Elliot will be inspired by the love I have for him- that it will fuel him to get bigger and stronger. He has a long road ahead of him.
According to my high risk OB, the average gastroschisis baby is in the NICU for 2-3 months. I already know that those will probably be the hardest months of my life. I've been researching, reading others' stories, trying to prepare myself. But really, what parent is ever ready to see their newborn son in so much pain, hooked up to so many machines and wires?
When I start to feel overwhelmed by worry and doubt, I turn to comforting bible verses, like the ones below. Ultimately, Elliot's life is in God's hands. I trust him.
All I can do now is have faith, hope, and love.

"For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is open to everyone who knocks." (Luke 11:10)

"The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 2911)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28-30)

An Inspiration.

This is one of the most inspiring stories I've ever heard- and what a wonderful way to support and embrace life. This is a beautiful story about love and acceptance. And to think, many of these babies are never born because doctors encourage the parents to terminate the pregnancy. I think what this couple did, by choosing to keep their son and leave his fate in God's hands, was extremely courageous. In the 99 days of Eliot's short life, he opened his parents' (and many others!) eyes and truly taught them something about life and love.
This video struck a nerve with me, because we were originally told that our baby had a high chance of having either Trisomy 18 or 13. We firmly stated that we would NOT terminate if a chromosomal anomaly was found. Thankfully, we don't have to worry about it anymore... but I'd like to think that we would have loved our child in the same way.

The power of prayer.

"With God, all things are possible."

Ever since that first ultrasound, four weeks ago, when I got my first glimpse of the child I am carrying, I have been filled with an overwhelming ammount of love for this baby. There is nothing quite like seeing your baby kick on that black and white screen for the first time.
When I found out about this baby's birth defect, it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I could hardly breathe. How could something be wrong with such a new, perfect life?
It was then, four weeks ago, that I started praying vigilantly, day and night. At first, I was selfish- I prayed that the doctors were wrong, and that this baby was completely normal. I cried and asked God what I had done to deserve this. But as time passed, I did more research, and my attitude changed.
Instead of begging God to magically fix this child, I asked him for strength. I prayed that he would please let this baby know how much I already love him/her. That whatever happened, I knew it was all part of His plan. After placing my trust in God, I simply asked for the best possible outcome. And I promised that no matter what happened, I was happy and proud to be this baby's mother.
You can wallow in self pity and worry, or you can put on a positive attitude and focus on the good rather than the bad. That is what I did. Even though I knew this baby could have numerous serious problems, many of which were fatal, I simply hoped that he/she would be spared. Believing in the baby's strength, I willed him/her to be healthy. I prayed every night for peace, serenity, strength, and a miracle.
And I look at the baby's new diagnosis, Gastroschisis, as nothing short of miraculous. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders. This child has a very good chance at survival, and a normal, happy life. Don't get me wrong, the road ahead will be long and difficult, but in the end, my husband and I will probably come out of it with a healthy, beautiful baby. I think God heard my prayers, and those of the many friends and family members who have been praying along with us.
For that reason, I will continue to pray.

"And now, these three remain: faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love."

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Dear Ocean: I missed you.

I can't believe it had been almost three years since I'd been to the ocean! The moment I stepped into the water and felt the water lapping against my shins and the sand squishing beneath my toes, I was at peace with the world.
As I looked out onto endless miles of breaking green waves, nothing else mattered. I walked out into the water, letting the whitecaps break and froth onto my chest and shoulders, and closed my eyes. Hugging my belly, cradling the tiny, fragile baby inside, I knew this: my future is about to change in ways that I cannot possibly imagine. And it doesn't matter what happens- this baby will always be a huge part of my life.
I don't know if it was the tangy, salty sea air, the cool ocean breeze, the warmth of the sun, the carefree children splashing in the water, or some combination of it all, but here, in this place, in Cape Cod, I feel reassured. God has a plan. I haven't the slightest idea what it is right now- but that doesn't matter.
I honestly, truly think that everything's going to be all right- one way or another. I will come out of all of this a stronger person, and most importantly, a better mother.

Thinking positively.

I've decided to take things day by day, and to think as positively as I can. What good will it do to sit around worrying about all of these different things that may/may not happen? All it will do will stress me (and the baby!) out and drive me insane. So instead, I'm going to hope for the best possible outcome. I recognize what could happen, but I will tackle those hurdles if and when they come. Until the 9th, we really won't know what we're up against.
For now, I will make sure this little baby knows how much we love him/her. Hopefully that will give Peanut the strength to pull through. People don't give babies enough credit. It's amazing what so many babies in the NICU overcome! They are such strong little fighters.
I'm trusting that God has a plan, and that no matter what happens, there is a reason. I might not understand it right now, but I will eventually. And one thing's for sure- I'll definitely come out of this a much stronger person!