I can't believe it had been almost three years since I'd been to the ocean! The moment I stepped into the water and felt the water lapping against my shins and the sand squishing beneath my toes, I was at peace with the world.
As I looked out onto endless miles of breaking green waves, nothing else mattered. I walked out into the water, letting the whitecaps break and froth onto my chest and shoulders, and closed my eyes. Hugging my belly, cradling the tiny, fragile baby inside, I knew this: my future is about to change in ways that I cannot possibly imagine. And it doesn't matter what happens- this baby will always be a huge part of my life.
I don't know if it was the tangy, salty sea air, the cool ocean breeze, the warmth of the sun, the carefree children splashing in the water, or some combination of it all, but here, in this place, in Cape Cod, I feel reassured. God has a plan. I haven't the slightest idea what it is right now- but that doesn't matter.
I honestly, truly think that everything's going to be all right- one way or another. I will come out of all of this a stronger person, and most importantly, a better mother.