"With God, all things are possible."Ever since that first ultrasound, four weeks ago, when I got my first glimpse of the child I am carrying, I have been filled with an overwhelming ammount of love for this baby. There is nothing quite like seeing your baby kick on that black and white screen for the first time.
When I found out about this baby's birth defect, it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I could hardly breathe. How could something be wrong with such a new, perfect life?
It was then, four weeks ago, that I started praying vigilantly, day and night. At first, I was selfish- I prayed that the doctors were wrong, and that this baby was completely normal. I cried and asked God what I had done to deserve this. But as time passed, I did more research, and my attitude changed.
Instead of begging God to magically fix this child, I asked him for strength. I prayed that he would please let this baby know how much I already love him/her. That whatever happened, I knew it was all part of His plan. After placing my trust in God, I simply asked for the best possible outcome. And I promised that no matter what happened, I was happy and proud to be this baby's mother.
You can wallow in self pity and worry, or you can put on a positive attitude and focus on the good rather than the bad. That is what I did. Even though I knew this baby could have numerous serious problems, many of which were fatal, I simply hoped that he/she would be spared. Believing in the baby's strength, I willed him/her to be healthy. I prayed every night for peace, serenity, strength, and a miracle.
And I look at the baby's new diagnosis, Gastroschisis, as nothing short of miraculous. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders. This child has a very good chance at survival, and a normal, happy life. Don't get me wrong, the road ahead will be long and difficult, but in the end, my husband and I will probably come out of it with a healthy, beautiful baby. I think God heard my prayers, and those of the many friends and family members who have been praying along with us.
For that reason, I will continue to pray.
"And now, these three remain: faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love."
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