Sunday, October 17, 2010

so much has changed in so little time!

Exactly three months ago, on July 17th, we found out that something was seriously wrong with our precious baby. To make matters worse, my husband had to leave for South Korea the very next day... and being labeled a "high risk pregnancy" meant that there was no way that I would be able to go with him.
We were shocked. Horrified. The doctors told us to hope for the best but to prepare for the worst. At that point, they weren't even sure if our baby would survive. Suddenly, I was on my own, trying to dismantle the bomb that had just been dropped into our perfect little world, while my husband was thousands of miles away.
Sometimes, it's almost impossible to remember what life was like before all of this, when I was unaware of my son's condition. Like most other women, I just assumed that everything was fine, and that my baby was healthy. I did everything "What to Expect" told me to to- so why wouldn't my baby be healthy? Naively, I thought that most birth defects were the mother's fault. Well, as it turns out, I was wrong. Bad things can happen- even to those who follow the rules.
I miss my husband. A lot. But, surprisingly, I don't really miss those early weeks of my pregnancy. Everything that little Elliot and I have been through since his diagnosis has opened my eyes to a whole other world. There are THOUSANDS of birth defects that most people don't even know exist. I, for one, had never even heard of gastroschisis... until my son was diagnosed with it.
This whole ordeal has made me a stronger person, and it has only made me love my little boy even more. And, most importantly, it has made me more aware. In the future, if God blesses me with another child, I don't think I will take one moment of that pregnancy for granted. Because, really, with all the things that could go wrong, it's a small miracle to be lucky enough to have a completely normal pregnancy.

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  1. I admire your strength so much! Just so you know I'm kinda cheating and voting for your blog twice a day- from work's computer and from my home one!

  2. Wow Jess! You are so strong! I know I say that a lot, but to go through what you've been through, and without your husband being able to be with you just amazes me. Hugs! You're doing so great!

  3. oh my goodness, i didn't know your husband had to leave the very next day! geeeeeeze, that is nuts. jess, i admire you so much! you are stronger than i can even imagine. i want to reach through my monitor & give you a big hug!!

  4. You ladies are so sweet :) I hope I'm actually as strong as you all seem to think I am!

  5. i couldn't Imagine going through what you are dealing with...especially with your husband gone. you and little one remain in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. I'm just here to echo what everyone else is saying - your strength and poise are admirable!!

  7. Hi there! I just wanted to comment and let you know I know exactly how you feel. I've actually been silently following your blog since the first trimester, we are both due on the same day and I've been using your weekly updates with the baby size and all of that (sorry, hope you don't mind!). I found out my son has a very rare chromosome disorder at our 20 week ultrasound. I've been struggling with that ever since. You found out about your sons condition before I found out about my son and I remember my heart pouring for you and feeling terrible, just like you said in your blog we always assume that everything is just fine as long as we do everything by the book. I remember crying for you and feeling a terrible pain, but somehow feeling like I knew that my baby was okay. A couple of weeks later I got terrible news, my son may not live. I thought of you and how terrible of myself to feel so badly for you all along just assuming that my baby was alright. I feel connected to you even though we have never talked, we are going through this journey together in one way or another. I pray and think about you often and hope those contractions have stopped. I'd love to keep in contact with you, send me an email at

    Congrats on 29 weeks today!! GO US!


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