Friday, March 2, 2012

let's get real.

I think people often try to paint this perfect picture of their lives on their blogs. I mean, even when all hell is breaking lose, or the world seems to be crumbling apart around them, there they are with their bright, sunny, cheerful posts and pictures!

Well, I try not to do that. After all, the main reason I created this blog was to use it as a sort of living baby book, to document my life when my children were young {since we all know the time just flies by!}. That means I have to talk about the tough times, the not-so-good, along with the great, right? Right.

So, if you don't mind, let's get real for a minute.

Lately, I've been seriously stressed out. This pregnancy is just flying by... I'm almost in the third trimester already {how did that happen?!}. It's been smooth sailing so far, thank God, but... folks, every night I collapse onto the bed utterly exhausted... and that's after a day caring for only one! Although things could change at any time, right now it looks like Aaron will be deploying to Afghanistan as soon as his two weeks of paternity leave are over.... if his first sergeant keeps his word and lets him stay home until after Sully is born. Everyone else is deploying in early May.

I'm not trying to complain too much... I knew what I was getting into when I married my soldier. I knew that, most of the time, I'd be raising our kids on my own. But suddenly, it's really starting to sink in. The other day, at the grocery store, I nearly had a panic attack wondering how in the world I was supposed to buy food when there is only enough room for one baby in the cart. I mean, I guess I could wear baby Sully, but still. Then, while doing laundry, I realized that I will either be forced to do it at like 3am when both kiddos are sleeping, or tote them both AND a heavy laundry basket back and forth to the laundry room... which I don't even think is possible. I don't have enough arms or hands! Then there's the matter of bedtime... we've been shortening Elliot's bedtime routine lately, because what if {god forbid} Sully were to cry while I was rocking Elliot to sleep? Would I have to start the whole {rather tedious} routine all over again??

Elliot has absolutely no idea that he has a baby sibling on the way. His world is about to change in a big way, and we have no way to prepare him. He points at the ultrasounds and I'll say, "that's your baby brother!" but I know he doesn't get it. I feel bad, because I think he might resent the fact that this little creature came along and stole his mama from him. He'll enjoy having a brother to play with someday, though. I just keep reminding myself of that. My brother is almost nine years younger than me, and I would have done almost anything to have a sibling close to my age. As a young child, I was lonely and jealous of all my friends who had brothers and sisters. That's one of the main reasons we decided to have our kids close together- for them. I know that, but sometimes I still feel a little selfish. And I worry that poor Elliot will have a tough time adjusting.

I knew going into it that having two kids under two would be hard, but I guess I always thought I'd have someone around in the first weeks or months, until I get settled into a comfortable routine and have really gotten a handle on the whole "mama of TWO" thing. Now it looks like I won't be so lucky.

I love my husband, I love Elliot, and I love baby Sullivan, even though I haven't met him yet. I also love our little life, and all the doors the Army has opened for us. I guess I just need to remind myself to just take a breath every once in awhile and just relax. Everything will work out. At first, our life might not be perfect... things may be rocky... but it will be perfect for me. ♥

To those of you with kids close in age...
how do you do it?

Do you have any tips/suggestions??


  1. My kids were 20 months apart. There was some adjusting, but I had my husband home at nights/weekends, so that was a huge help.

    There will be times of frustration, and there will be times that things (like bedtime) take longer. Just remind yourself, that this too shall pass. For all of the difficulties that may be coming, the joys far outweigh it. Good luck!

  2. I hear ya girl. To each their own, but for ME, this is why I personally didn't want to get pregnant with 2 under 2. I know I would not have coped well. I know I could do it if I had to, but I didn't want to. I know this is what you want and you'll do wonderfully. Just remember that everything doesn't have to be perfect! You'll all learn together, just take it day by day. It's always nice to see honesty on blogs rather than everyone's "perfect" little lives...

  3. Good luck!
    You are a lot stronger than me. NO WAY could i handle what you are about to be handling

  4. I am having similar worries. Of course, I'm not a army wife. But in general.

    I worry Presley doesnt have any clue she is getting a sibling. And how that will make her feel when there is another baby around in a few months.

    I know as the baby gets bigger they will be able to play and I'm happy for that. But until then, how will it make her feel.

    I'm working and don't have a choice otherwise. (that's ok, i love my job- but hate being away from kiddo) So, there is daycare going up. Sickness, sick days. Maternity leave- 12 wks is generous, but never enough :-(

    Oh the worries...they never end. My like you, i just have to breathe. It will be OK. It will work out. We need a good support system (family and or friends) and just know that other mama's have done it, and so will we. I will probably save alot on makeup the next year as I won't have time to put it on :-)

  5. Mine are more than 24 months apart, 2 kids is hard but you can do it.

    There are some good books about having a new brother/sister, it might be worth going to the library and getting some to read for Elliot.

    Don't stress too much about routines, yes E may not get to bed on time but thatscok.

    Have a plan for feed times, special toys/books/tv shows that E plays with/watches or snacks to eat when you nurse the baby . That is the hardest time because they know you can't get up quickly to chase them of they're naughty!

    Frozen meals/healthy take away dinners - delivered.

    Do your grocery shop online...

    Just some ideas, also, don't be afraid to ask for help and try to get out of the house. If E can run around the park while you sit and care for the baby, he will feel much better about it all.

  6. mine are 14 months apart. the first 2 weeks were their own sort of hell.

    then you it. you know?

    i owe our lives to Elmo & Nemo DVD's- along with lots of fruit snacks & crying.

    you'll do it- because you have to :)

    but seriously- it's not so bad!

  7. I wish you the absolute best.
    Thank you for the honest post.
    I think some people forget we're all real people, with real problems.

  8. So funny that you posted this today! Allie at table For More JUST addressed this today!!!

    Just remember, you will get through it one way or another! Hang in there!

  9. Love your honest post, Jess!
    While I can't speak on having two little ones under 24 months, or being an army wife, I do think of you as being strong and capable and things will fall in to place for you- and little Elliot :)

  10. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. I couldn't imagine doinf this with my husband across the are awesome!
    and I;m sure Elliot is going to love his little sibling!

  11. Just a few weeks after my second was born my husband had to leave on a week long business trip. Of course not comparable to the length of a deployment, but it was definitely a trial by fire and I ended up coming out of it more confident. Honestly having two kiddos doesn't add much drama to your life until the second gets mobile. Even then, just as with the first child, you just adapt and learn new skills and find time in your life you didn't even know you had. Everything has a way of working out in the end :).

  12. i have 2 boys, 17 months apart. it's not always easy, but definitely doable.

    for me it almost seemed beneficial that my oldest didn't quite grasp that there was a little baby coming or even when he was here because there were no jealousy issues for me early on (how's a different story).

    accept help when it's offered. ask for help before you get too overwhelmed. and know that it will get better and your two boys will be great friends some day!

  13. I have a girl and a boy, 17 months apart, and I agree with what several of these other people said. I love what one girl said "Honestly having two kiddos doesn't add much drama to your life until the second gets mobile." and I really agree with that! From day one my kids were a breeze - now that they are 34 months and 17 months they are MUCH harder to go to the store, restaurants, etc. And my husband has been deployed as well. During those times we just got into a new pattern, and then readjusted when he got home. Trust me, you'll be okay. You'll have rough patches where you know you suck as a mom, but then the other 98% of the time they will be so happy and healthy that you will be really proud of yourself and them.

  14. Thankyou for all the sweet comments :) I'm starting to feel a little better/more reassured. I did just meet two other army wives who have 3 kids {all close together} and watching them with their little ones made me feel better, too. I'm sure I'll be able to handle it all, I just have to figure out what works for us!

  15. I just found this blog--love it! Our babies are 18 months apart and I totally get the panic thing. Even though DH isn't military, he's at work all day then usually class. I think its something you just have dive in head first with--your situation will be unique and you WILL find a system pretty quick! I was pleasantly suprised how easily our daughter fit into our world:) You'll do great!

  16. Thanks for the honesty Jess. It's so lovely and refreshing to see and I'm sure its taken a load off for you too.

    I've heard mamas of close together babies say that the first little while is hard. Sometimes so hard that you wonder why you put yourself though it but then your little ones grow up and it is so great because your baby raising becomes a season instead of an ongoing saga. you have a season of newborns and a season of school kids.

    I think you know all this and I just want to encourage you that what you say is true. It will probably be hard but sometimes the hard things are the best things.

    And you aren't alone. While we blogger friends can't help you with the laundry we are here every step of the way praying for you and telling you that you can do it!

  17. My two are 16 months a part (now 9 months and recently 2 years)...and my husband has been on orders in another state for the last 8 months, with at least three more to go. We are hoping to move over with him, but there are a few complicating factors to be worked out still.Your other readers have good advice. Honestly, I think thinking about it is harder than doing it. As with all aspects of motherhood, you just kind of jump in and do what you need to do. Sure, there are days when I'm exhausted and at my wits' end, but mostly our days are full of fun and happiness. My suggestions would be to find a way to have a little time to yourself each week...even if it is only so much as ordering pizza and letting the kids watch extra tv once in a while and to get yourself and the kids outside as much as possible. Fresh air perks everyone up and wears those kiddos out!

    I bet you will find that you are happy you chose to have two under two...we haven't had any jealousy or regression issues and they are best friends! PS you are right about grocery goes in the ergo and big brother sits in the cart. Works like a charm! And when it doesn't, a box of animal crackers goes a long way!

  18. I don`t think I`ve commented beofre but been following u for a while:-) I don` thave 3 children close in age, but my husband is in the military, I`m pregnant and have a 3yr old son. My husband was away for my 3rd trinester,Imoved house at 38wks pregnant & got myself to the hosp when in labour...waited a couple of hours for him to arrive!
    This time when baby is due, hubby will be away again!
    Anyway, I just wanted to say that we`re in similar positions and I can understand how u feel sometimes!
    Much love:-) xxx


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