Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The post in which I talk about my fears


Elliot will be born next week. NEXT WEEK! I'm happy and excited, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous, too. I think the thing that gets to me the most is the unknown. Today's technology is pretty remarkable, but there is only so much that we can see on an ultrasound. The fact is, we won't really know what we're dealing with until after Elliot's born. There is no way to know for sure how large the opening in his belly will be, how much of his bowel is outside his body, whether it is damaged, twisted, or broken, or if any other organs are involved. We don't know what kind of complications we could be facing.
The thought of giving birth to such a fragile little boy frightens me. It really does. No child should have to come into the world that way! I also dread the fact that, only moments after his birth, my newborn son will be taken away from me. I will probably be an emotional wreck! I hope that I will at least get a good look at his face before they rush him off to the NICU.
The only thing that comforts me lately is remembering that God has a plan. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is tell him your fears and trust that he will take care of it.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth."
♥ Psalm 121:1-2

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths."
♥ Proverbs 3:5-6


  1. No child should have to face this, but little Elliot is lucky to have you for a mama. He is lucky to be so well loved. Being a parent is scary, and this makes it extra scary, but he will be surrounded by good doctors and lots of people hoping and praying for him.

  2. Jess, Iam praying for you and I am sure everything will be OK. I had so many fears before Tobias was born and as you said, not knowing exactly what to expect was terrible. But the days that followed Tobias's birth, I felt peace and I knew God was by his side all the time helping him heal and get better to go home soon. I am sure He will be there for Elliot too.

  3. You are going to do beautifully. Remember, you have done everything in your power to ensure that your boy is strong; you never dreamed you two would make it to 36 weeks, yet here you are. At this point your job of growing Elliot is over, just resign yourself completely to prayer and let the medical staff and God take over. Wishing you all the best in these next few weeks!

  4. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous for you. But you are a good person, and I have a strong feeling that it really will work out for the best.

  5. Lots and lots of thoughts and prayers going your way. You and Elliot have done so well already that I am really hopeful that you two will do great through this. You have a strong little boy and he's about to prove it to everyone!

  6. You are continuously in my prayers, and I am praying for the best for you all! I can't believe it's next week! YAY! :)

  7. I'm still very much praying for you and your family. I pray that you have peace and contentment in this time waiting for his birth, I pray for health and strength for you and your husband during the delivery, and I pray that his condition will be better than expected and that he will be strong and easily restored to good health.

  8. I'm reading all of your comments and tearing up! Thank you for all the prayers and support- I can't tell you how much it means to me.

  9. I'll be praying for you! You have so many people on here who care for you along with all of your family and your friends... you have so much support! We are all here for you no matter how far we are! We just have to hope for the best... but Elliot is a strong little boy and I know everything will turn out just fine! :)

  10. I will be thinking about you and your family next week. I am keeping you in my prayers and wishing you the best of luck.


“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
-Dr. Seuss